One day Jesus was walking by the pearly gates when St. Peter asked him to watch the gates for a few minutes. Jesus agreed and in a few minutes he saw an old, old man approach. He walked very slowly, had a halting gait, and long white hair and beard. â€œHow did you spend your life on earth my son?â€ asked Jesus. â€œI was a simple carpenter for sixty yearsâ€ replied the old man. â€œAnd what do you hope to find here in heaven,â€ asked Jesus. â€œI hope to find … Continue reading →
Walked out of the pub and the pavement caved in. I fell into this hole where Jesus lived. He said, â€œHey, Man, what did you do so wrong that you made you join me?â€ â€œI loved,â€ i replied. He nodded: â€œSo did i.â€ We opened the bottle and got drunk on our tears.
This is for Jimmy Swaggart: Iâ€™m a murderer. If corpses could suck breath eleven would tell you that it is so. Why? For the joy of a righteous cause. Whilst their eyes leap with fear, mine do a burgeoning dance of orgasmic pleasure. Raping them and gargling their blood is the only way to conquer arbitrariness and its snotty producers. Iâ€™m a Messiah. I happened to compensate for those that have already failed; that dickhead Levi, his arrogance inflated dog, Fat Crowley, and that wimpy, street trick dude â€¦ whatâ€™s … Continue reading →